Episode 142 – The One Where We Screwazard Our Schnapsidee Landshark Style

Chapters

  • 00:30 – Intro – Welcome To W4W!
  • 02:30 – This Week’s Beer – Sun Drenched Exploratory Ale
  • 08:26 – Round Table
  • 15:08 – HL2 – Thailand’s Brest Medical Advice
  • 22:02 – HL3 – Will Teach For Cash
  • 30:59 – Beer & Sex Quiz
  • 33:10 – Q1 – What is a Vandyke Jenn?
  • 33:59 – Q2 – Katzenjammering Aaron
  • 35:12 – Q3 – Steve’s Arabian Goggles
  • 36:34 – Q4 – Gum Tickers & Jenn
  • 37:25 – Q5 – Aaron’s Fish Eyes
  • 38:56 – Q6 – Steve Gets A Hole In One
  • 40:10 – Q7 – Lunatic Soup For Jenn
  • 40:38 – Q8 – Wounded Soldier Aaron
  • 41:06 – Q9 – Bitch Slappying Steve
  • 42:08 – Q10 – Land Sharks vs. Jenn
  • 44:56 – Q11 – Aaron Catches A Charazard
  • 46:50 – Q12 – Steve Deatheaters A Screwnicorn
  • 47:41 – Q13 – Schnapsidees For Jenn
  • 48:19 – Q14 – Bayoneting A Wounded Aaron
  • 50:00 – End Of Quiz
  • 51:01 – And The Title Goes To…
  • 53:12 – Next Week’s Beer – Mahoni Marina
  • 55:08 – Faith In Humanity Restored
  • 58:48 – Outro – Thanks 4 Supporting Us!
  • 59:48 – Outtakes

In this week’s show, episode 142, we’ll quiz bears about how they teach their breasts to be so full… and buoyant.

Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Guan Yu (Chinese god of loyalty, righteousness, and valor) hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying his patience!

Shea’s Life Lesson

This week I taught myself a new exercise it’s a cross between a lunge and a crunch, I call it lunch.

Jenn’s Actual Lesson

Did you know that 2yrs after the death of King Henry the VIII the first Book of Common Prayer was printed? After several iterations (and quite a bit of religious controversy and violence; its author was put to death over it) the final version remains to this day the official liturgy of the Church of England.

But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!

This Week’s Beer

From Queen Jenn
Sun Drenched Exploratory Ale – Denver Beer Co’s

  • BA Link: bit.ly/2tXWz4v
  • BA Rating: 84
  • Style: American IPA
  • ABV: 5.0%
  • Aaron: 7
  • Jenn: 6
  • Shea: 9
  • Steve: 8

This Week’s Show

Round Table Discussion

New Patrons!Holy sending us money Batman!

  • Kurt
  • Brother Brewer

iTunes Review

Listen, enjoy, and then support this podcast
From Odysseus2k7 from the United States

Wonderful comedy and honest beer reviews. If you are a fan of No Religion Required, add this podcast to your download queue. After gaining an appreciation for this wonderful show, support it on Patreon.

We got a mention from Ballast Point Brewing… so that’s kinda cool.

Voicemail/Txts

And The legend of Angry Gay Face continues to grow as we got a txt message from Mr. Bearpig!

Hey guys Mr. Bearpig here. In the middle of my Friday tradition beer, tractor, and your show. And Jenn you are my favorite too!!! Oh and just some background on the, “not gay if you make a mean face.” I worked in a prison for 9 years, an inmate told me that once after I found him blowing another inmate in the library, anyway love you guys

Angry Gay Face – the hero cell block C needs, not the one it deserves…

It deserves a hero without teeth or a gag reflex. Yeah… that’s the one.

Updates!

Quickly this week I’d like to mention a few updates we tripped over. You may recall in Episode 85, been a while, we talked about those asshat parents who “gifted” their six underage daughters to a man who claimed to be “prophet of God.” Lee Kaplan, 51, was found guilty of 17 charges including child rape, statutory sexual assault, and indecent assault. He is still awaiting sentencing. As for the parents, Savilla pleaded guilty and Daniel pleaded no contest. Their sentences are the maximum allowed by law – up to seven years in prison…

Headlines

Do Bears Shit On Patreons?bit.ly/2w4Y0Lp

Never! But they do shit in living rooms. Find out where at Patreon.com/w4w!

  • A Wyoming man said he woke from a nap to discover a bear inside his home, and the animal “took two poops” before wandering away.
  • Max Breiter said he and the bear stared at each other for 8 to 10 seconds before he broke away and locked himself in a bathroom.
  • “The bear walked into the living room and took two poops on the floor,” Breiter said, “and then it broke out of a screen window and proceeded to run down the hill. “ “I’m not sure what to do because we have the windows open all the time,” “The whole idea that we could be sleeping and a bear walks in, I’ve never thought about it.”

Thailand’s Brest Medical Advicebit.ly/2w4FD9k

  • What must be rather a painful treatment is now becoming a popular alternative to surgical procedures. Beauty salon owner Khunying Tobnom discovered the trick to getting a bigger bust when as a teenager her grandmother would slap her breasts several times then shock them with ice water.
    — She noticed that the technique has resulted in her bust growing by 4 inches,
  • Tobnom has been awarded a government license for her ‘hands on approach’ to breast enlargement where her slapping method shifts fat from one area to another where they belong.
    — training course will set you back $263,000 (9 million baht)
    — If you want a course of treatments, six 10-minute sessions will set you back roughly $380 (13,000 baht).

Will Teach For Cashbit.ly/2w4FF0W

  • A Tulsa, Oklahoma teacher is making a bold statement about the state of education as she pleads for money at an intersection to pay for classroom supplies.
  • Teresa Danks is a third-grade teacher in the Tulsa Public Schools system. As a result of education budget cuts, Danks is now spending between $2,000 and $3,000 of her $35,000 salary on supplies for her students. “It all adds up week after week and month after month,” “So, it’s a huge need.” So she decided to ask the public for help after she learned lawmakers weren’t going to help her.
  • In six minutes Tuesday, the veteran teacher made $55 standing on the street corner near 193rd East Avenue and I-44, more than double what she makes per hour in the classroom. Danks said she was overwhelmed by the response, and she became emotional talking about it.
  • Trump wants to further cut the budget by $9 billion or %13 percent of the budget approved by Congress

This Week’s Stories

Jenn’s Patreon Ark Park Snark

Saddest day: One year in, Ark Encounter sinking.

Despite “taking back the rainbow” from the LGBTQ community and bathing the big boat in multi-colored night lights, the Ark Park is having some serious financial troubles. The Kentucky Tourism Arts and Heritage Cabinet has suspended an incentive agreement worth up to $18 million with a Noah’s Ark-themed attraction in Grant County because the park transferred its main property to a non-profit affiliate.

The July 18 cabinet letter to Ark Encounter attorney James Parsons said the ark park’s recent actions put it in breach of the agreement with the state to refund a portion of sales tax collected at the site, which opened last July with a large-scale replica of Noah’s Ark.

Three days after this suspension, officials at a Noah’s Ark theme park have sold their main parcel back to their for-profit entity Crosswater Canyon, (which is also affiliated with the Creation Museum in Petersburg) for… $10.

Ark Encounter has also been in dispute the city of Williamstown (1 mile away), which issued another tax incentive program. Ark officials are resisting a new safety assessment tax that would add 50 cents to every ticket sold in order to improve emergency services that respond to Ark calls. Lulz…

The small businesses in Williamsburg are also very upset about the total lack of new business that was promised. After Answers in Genesis were given tax breaks and incentives from Kentucky state tourism boards.

Now folks, how could this have possibly failed? This is a theme park that boasts such exciting dining options as Zophar’s Flatbread sandwiches and Shem’s Snack Shack, Home of the Ark Dog — 2/3s of a Cubit of Hot Dog goodness!!

Side note: there is apparently no Ken Ham & Cheese sandwich, which absolutely demonstrates their total lack of imagination. Creativity museum this ain’t.

Don’t forget the gorgeous murals depicting the ‘animal kinds’. Mommy Blogger Kristen was nice enough to share some pics on her web page that I wish to share (from Celebrate With Me Every Day gag): Crazy nice lady

So few kinds becoming so many species. (Sorry small boy.)

Also, this next picture comes with this helpful caption from Mom Kristen:”If you don’t want to read everything at the moment or want to re-read text later, take photos with your phone. There were several signs that I wanted to be able to re-read and remember at a later point. I love the convenience of smart phones.”

Final pic: Note from bright red Snatan

Beer Slang vs. Sex Act Quiz!

Vandyke
Beer Term – To stagger, weave, or wander in the zigzag course of one drunken or irresolute.

Katzenjammer
Beer – The nausea, headache, and debility that often follow dissipation or drunkenness.

Arabian Goggles
Sex Act – When you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head, it may be anatomically impossible.

Gum-ticklers
Beer – A gill of spirits, generally rum, taken fasting.

Fish Eye
Sex Act – From behind, you shove both fists in their ass and they turn around in a one-eyed winking motion signaling that they have been there and done that.

Hole In One
Sex Act – The act of sticking your dick in your own ass.

Lunatic Soup
Beer – In 1930’s Australia and New Zealand.

Wounded Soldier
Beer – Partially full but abandoned beer bottles

Bitch Slap
Beer – Mixing a 6-pack in the store

The Landshark
Sex Act – The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over. Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. The guy then sprints toward her at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and you can guess the rest.

Snappy
Beer – SNPA = Sierra Nevada Pale Ale

Charizarding
Sex Act – When you light your partner’s pubes on fire and put it out with your jizz then flap your arms and say ‘You don’t have have enough badges to train me.

The Screwnicorn
Sex – When you put a strap-on dildo on your forehead and proceeds to go at it like a crazed unicorn.

Schnapsidee
Beer – German. A daft or ridiculous plan thought up while drunk.

Bayoneting the Wounded
Beer – Finishing the “wounded soldiers” the next morning

Next Week’s Beer

German Dennis
Mahoni Marina – Hanscraft & Co. GmbH

Faith In Humanity Restored

From Jerk to Gentleman in two words… bit.ly/2w4ycir

Aaron, age 19, and Jamal, 17, are two best friends from Seagoville, Texas who recently became heroes after stumbling upon an unusual scene. The two friends were driving through Kaufman County, Texas– near Dallas– when they noticed a good looking woman in the backseat of a car. They pulled up to her car and instantly felt that something was off. The woman appeared to be mouthing the words, “Help me.” Aaron immediately called 9-1–“I’m on the highway. I’m witnessing a robbery. Not a robbery, a kidnapping.” said Aaron in his 911 call. He explained: “So, we’re checking out the girl in the backseat because we’re like, ‘OK, she’s kind of attractive,’ and then all of a sudden the guy is turned back, looking at us. We looked in the backseat and the blonde female in the back was saying, ‘Help me,’ or something, whispering it.”

It turns out, the 25-year-old woman had been leaving an office party in Downtown Dallas when 37-year-old Charles Atkins Lewis kidnapped her at gunpoint, forcing her into his car and driving off.

Author’s Note: Steve makes a good point. This story isn’t exactly up to our usual Faith In Humanity Restored standards and that’s on me. I was in a rush and saw a headline about two kids saving a lady and basically just glossed over the fact that they only saved her ’cause they were checking her out. But still, it has a happy ending so that’s nice.
If you’d like you suggest a happy story to close the show out on we always love listener suggestions. Send us a link on any of the socials below or to our email, [email protected] 4 Wrath.com.
Thanks,
~ Aaron

Bonus Cat Video

Marvel’s The Defenders – bit.ly/2w4EHC3

The Philosophy Of Kurzgesagt – bit.ly/2w4Gabk

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