Episode 158 – The One Where Eat Our Weight In Words

In This Week’s Show, episode 158, we out woo a village of Liberty Council boners by feeding whitesome Jesus his own crackers!

Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Inti, the Incan sun god, hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying his patience!

Shea’s Life Lesson

This week I learned that the reason latin is a dead language is because they kept accidentally summoning demons during regular conversations.

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione= I’m not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est = Yes, that is a very large amount of corn.

Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum! = Don’t you dare erase my hard disk!

Jenn’s Actual Lesson

Did you know that sun god Inti was also considered the ancestor of the Incas? He is portrayed by a golden disc sun with a human face. It was also a basic monetary unit in Peru, so that’s cool.

But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!

This Week’s Beer

Shiner Ruby Redbird – Spoetzl Brewery

From RW

  • RB Link: bit.ly/2AdKBn5
  • RB Rating: 15 overall, 19 in-style
  • Untappd: bit.ly/2AdKBDB
  • Style: Spice/Herb/Vegetable
  • ABV: 4.2
  • Aaron: 2
  • Jenn: 6
  • Shea: 7
  • Steve: 6

@LilLowey

This Week’s Show

Round Table

Chapters

  • 0:00:30 – Intro
  • 0:03:17 – This Week’s beer – Shiner Ruby Redbird
  • 0:09:31 – Round Table
  • 0:15:07 – HL1 – Rock Hard Hands of Censorship
  • 0:22:16 – Hl2 – Unblurred Miracles & You
  • 0:26:56 – HL3 – Religion helps… Burn Down A Village?
  • Visit http://patreon.com/w4w for Jenn’s Georgia Story
  • 0:31:44 – Calorie Quiz Bowl
  • 0:34:38 – Quetsion 1
  • 0:38:35 – Question 2
  • 0:38:36 – Question 3
  • 0:44:49 – Question 4
  • 0:50:43 – Question 5
  • 0:56:04 – And the Winner Is
  • 0:57:23 – Next Week’s Beer – Decadent Dark Chocolate Ale
  • 0:58:23 – Faith In Humanity Restored
  • 1:03:08 – Outro
  • 1:03:42 – Outtakes

New Patrons Desire and Drew (newest beer club member)

Wonderful, different and refreshing

By: Joseph Heathen

Being an atheist and a lover of beer, I found your this podcast. I love the humor, the beer reviews and the light-hearted kicks at religion. Love it. Keep it up.

Became a happy and grateful patron!

By: Pedant Platypus

Great fun. I enjoy their points of view, humor, and especially the digressions. Thanks for for the mention in the show (I’m Brusqueplatypus). I took so long to post a review (even after becoming a Patron) since I kept forgetting and I do not use iTunes – I use Pocket Casts.

Also, extra thanks for being an Android user willing to wade into iTunes to leave us some love!

Before we get on with the show, let’s check those announcements off!

  • Thanks again to Jonathan from TDTF Pod for this week’s intro, check out the links to his stuff in the show notes. If you want into the show leave us a Drunk Dial at (513) 760–0463 or email us your audio at [email protected]
  • As we’ll hear later ‘tis almost ‘teh season, so visit the Waiting 4 Wrath Shop and grab a shirt, or visit waiting4wrath.com and then click our Amazon links to do your usual shopping, we super appreciate it
  • As ever, the best way to support the show is by visiting patreon.com/w4w and giving us as little as a buck show – for which you’ll get our thanks, longer shows earlier, and access to that other thing we do, 4 More Beers!
  • Finally, we know money can be a bit tight going into the holidays so if you want your dollar to do double duty visit WyoAIDS.org and mention the podcast in your donation’s notes and we’ll send you some patron content!

Make sure you check out TDTF Pod!

Now, let’s do this thing!

Headlines

Rock Hard Hands of Censorship bit.ly/2zIaVZd

  • I’m not sure what I’m more mad about; the Liberty Councils fifteenth annual Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign or the obvious attempts to ignore Thanksgiving!
  • Liberty Counsel has launched its fifteenth annual Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign. The campaign educates, and if necessary litigates, to make sure that Christmas and Christian themes are not censored.
  • These threats include atheist groups seeking to ban Nativity scenes from public property, senior living centers that prohibit residents from singing Christmas carols, public schools that ban students from wearing the Christmas colors of red and green, school officials who censor religious words from Christmas carols and retailers which profit from Christmas while pretending it does not exist. Liberty Counsel has successfully educated and reversed these anti-Christmas actions in all of these situations.
  • Liberty Counsel’s annual “Naughty Or Nice” list of retailers to boycott will be issued soon.

Unblurred Miracles & Youbit.ly/2zLhZEq

  • Incredible Happenings Ministries leader Paseka ‘Mboro’ Motsoeneng claimed to be the victim of censorship after South Africa’s Soweto TV refused to broadcast footage of a man who had his penis ‘miraculously’ raised from the dead.
    • I went there and entered their bedroom and asked them to put their hands on their private parts. After that I prayed for them and the husband immediately regained his erection. I tried to stop them but they told me that they couldn’t stop.
  • Despite the pastor blurring out the copulating couple for his TV show, Soweto TV deemed it too pornographic to show. Motsoeneng is not taking the rejection lying down.
    • My only concern is that I want the testimony to be aired. I told the camera crew to blur out the couple having sex but it is important that they (the couple) have the right to share their testimony
  • Soweto TV community liaison manager Jonathan Ramotsei said:
    • The concern was just around the episode and the series will continue.
  • Motsoeneng said he is now planning a march on the station to protest against the canning of this episode of his weekly TV show.

Religion helps… Burn Down A Village? – bit.ly/2igdPui

  • A Hindu village in Bangladesh has been attacked over a Facebook post allegedly insulting the Muslim Prophet Muhammad.
  • A mob belonging to the country’s Muslim majority set fire to 30 houses in Thakurpara village following Friday prayers, the English-language Dhaka Tribune reported.
  • Police used tear gas and rubber bullets to disperse the crowd, which the Dhaka Tribune claimed was as large as 20,000, killing one and injuring five.
  • The assault was apparently fueled by a Facebook account attributed to a young man from the village, identified as “Titu Roy.” The individual had allegedly shared a screenshot of a group which was insulting to the Prophet.
    • But the account might not even have belonged to the villager in question, as the Dhaka Tribune later indicated that Titu Roy’s family had claimed he was illiterate.
  • While police are still searching for the person behind the account, they have said that Islamist political party Jamaat-e-Islami is responsible for the violence. The organization was banned from 2013 elections, ostensibly over its opposition to secularism
  • Bangladesh is approximately 90 percent Muslim, with a 10 percent Hindu religious minority.
    • In its 2016 report, Human Rights Watch described that Hindus in Bangladesh faced “sporadic attacks” which included shrines, temples, and homes.

This Week’s Stories

Jenn’s Georgia

Georgia is in the news for something positive and interesting!

www.asiaone.com Oh, not THAT Georgia.

 

“As a medicine, social lubricant, mind-altering substance, and highly-valued commodity, wine became the focus of religious cults, pharmacopeias, cuisines, economics, and society throughout the ancient Near East,”

Wait, what!?

Find out what Jenn’s poured out for us this week at http://patreon.com/w4w

Second Half – It’s Thanksgiving! So let’s talk about food … woo

‘Tis almost the season to lock the doors, batten down the hatches and close up your fireplace to prevent crazy, elf-slave owning old men from breaking into your house and leaving you things that he, like a bad boyfriend, really knows you totally need.

But before we get to holly jolly home invasion, we have to celebrate Turkey genocide day. A wonderful annual festival wherein we celebrate the pilgrims starting a war on Native American culture that persists to this very day! Ah, tradition…

Fortunately for us, we don’t have to sail the ocean blue. Like most American holidays we lazied it up and made it about commercialism! Now all you have to do is go get one of a billion dead birds — so inbred for our sacrifices they can’t even fuck of their own volition anymore — roast it up and then toss most of it out because turkey is dry and the point is about displaying food-wealth, not enjoying your family. Before settling into the real holiday of the season — Black Friday… which, by the way, will see sales on the Waiting 4 Wrath shop… just saying.

And since we’re all about to eat until it hurts… or until our pants don’t fit anymore, let’s talk about some of the great ways you can “health-up” your pre-sale festivities.

Rules

We’ll go around the table and you can work out what a given diet is and there are bonus points available for correctly guess if it’s a real diet or if I’ve just pulled it out of the internet’s ass.

Question 1

Bridging the gap between Halloween and Thanksgiving, I present to you The Werewolf Diet!

How, dear panel, does one stay healthy following this dietary regimen?

Popular among lycanthropes like Demi Moore and Madonna. It’s also known as the “Lunar Diet,” as it revolves around the cycles of the moon. Humans are made up of about 60 percent water, and apparently, that means when the moon is full or in a new phase, there’s a gravitational pull that affects how much water weight you gain or lose. As the website Moon Connection explains: “By fasting according to the phases of the moon, your body may respond even more powerfully by flushing excess water and toxins from your body.”

There are two plans – the basic moon plan or extended version.
The basic version is 24 hours of fasting during the full moon or new moon when you’re permitted only water and freshly squeezed fruit and vegetable juice.

But if you’re gonna go Alfa-wolf, you’ll need to begin fasting during the full moon and then follow specific eating plans for each of the moon’s phases. During the waxing moon, you must eat less than usual and avoid thickeners, such as sweets and fats. You’re also not permitted to eat after 6 p.m. when moonlight becomes more visible.

Question 2

Animal diets are clearly the future. But Waiting 4 Wrath is nothing if not on bleeding edge of furry-food-fanaticism, and you know who you never see obese? Squirrels!

Panel. What, pray tell, can we learn from our fluffy tailed, plague-riddled, friends?

The nice thing about the Squirrel Diet is that it can be modified to fit any living arrangement. For example, if you live in a mostly rural area like we do you’re going to be living off of Nuts, seeds, mushrooms, pine cones, nuts, leaves, nuts, bark, lichens, nuts, and the occasional bird egg… with nuts. It’s a high protein, low trans-fat diet that will surely keep you regular.

Folks living in them big citahs will want to go Freeganist.
Your diet will be largely scraps and handouts from the city park and outdoor restaurant tables, anything you find in a waste bin that isn’t too decomposed — remember, if a bacteria can break it down on a sidewalk, you definitely want to add it to your tum-tum’s flora, after all, the healthiest way to digest things is to use what breaks them down in nature! — and of course, supplemented with bird seed from local bird feeders.

And yes, this one is a nonsense diet floating around the internet to make woo’s feel silly.

Question 3

Is your ability to metabolize ground up newspapers and apple cores genetic or learned over years of eating ready-to-eat meals from Walmart? Let’s find out!
The Blood Type Diet


The Blood Type diet claims that your blood type affects how you digest different kinds of food, and thus what you should eat is determined by your blood type. By carefully, improperly, correlating the idea that your blood type is linked to your genotype we know that A type blood, for example, is linked to reduced ability to digest meat in idiots.

The diet was founded by Peter D’Adamo, a naturopathic “doctor”, and published under the catchy — if a bit too close to home — title, Eat Right 4 Your Type. Check the show notes for question 3 to find out how your blood says you should eat!

  • Blood group O: The Hunter; stated to be the earliest human blood group. D’Adamo recommends a higher protein intake for people of this type.
  • Blood group A: The Cultivator; claimed to be a more recent blood type that has evolved since agriculture. As a result, the diet claims group A people should avoid meat and consume vegetables instead.
  • Blood group B: The Nomad; D’Adamo claims that people with group B blood can indeed thrive on dairy products due to it being associated with a healthy and highly evolved immune system.
  • Blood group AB: The Enigma; As a combination of types A and B, it is considered the most recently evolved blood type. As a result, Eat Right 4 Your Type suggests a diet part way between that of A and B.

Based on claims that lectins, a protein in some kinds of food, reacts differently based on your blood. This is not backed up by any real biochemical research, Dr. Jackass’s own 10-year study has never, and seemingly will never be, published. The only data we have is a questionnaire on this douches website wherein 70% of the credulous fools buying into this nonsense agree that it does “something.”

 

Question 4

A diet I can stick to. Doughism, and it’s less half-baked cousin, the cookie diet are sweeping the nation … ‘s …. Walmart… people…

No, we aren’t talking about the doughness of the hosts, doughism is… panel?


Doughism is the belief that eating a diet of only raw cookie dough will prevent all disease and lead to purely healthy living. According to its adherents, raw cookie dough has everything that the body needs to survive, purporting that it’s the cure for everything — including AIDS, cancer, and even death!

According to “doctor” Siegal, founder of “Cookies make you healthy” and other get rich schemes… I mean diets… you can visit Smartforlife.wpengine.com — because buying a domain is 11$ too far — and buy 12 super-awesome-health cookies, among other things like bars, hunger suppressants, and better water — for a mear 30$.

The site boasts a buy three weeks of cookies and gets a fourth free … for 200$ but it totes megoats promises you’ll lose weight.

In the end, what’s a little salmonella and a lot of sugar among at-risk diet-friends eh?

Question 5

And now we can close things out with the last cracker you’ll ever put in your mouth… #whitewashjesus #headlinecallback

So, panel, What Would Jesus Eat to lose those last few marter pounds?

The Jesus Diet, or “Maker’s Diet” as creationist might call it, is the idea that eating what Jesus ate will give you a set of wickedly defined crucifixion abs!

Presumably, this includes fasting, fish, unleavened bread, and water that has been filtered through a vinter.

For Catholics, the diet presumably includes a strict regimen of divine cannibalism, mediated through the Catholic Church’s very own wacky crackers but for the rest of us it means:

  • Bible Bars – Power Bar-like concoctions made from the seven ingredients recommended by the LORD in the book of Deuteronomy 8:8: wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey;”
    And hell, a box of 18 is only 35$ + S/H … and you can get alkalizing powder supplements too … because that’s good for you.
  • Ezekiel 4:9: “Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself. You are to eat it during the 390 days you lie on your side.” which is a weird way to eat and make bread, but Ezekiel 4:12 clarifies that you’re to: “eat the food as you would a barley cake; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel.”

Next Week’s Beer

Airing: November 24th, 2017

Decadent Dark Chocolate Ale – Atwater Brewery

From Heebie Jebus

Faith In Humanity Restored

Australians decisively support same-sex marriage!bbc.in/2ihNU5w

  • Australians have voted in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage in a historic non-binding poll.
  • The vote showed 61.6% of people favor allowing same-sex couples to wed, the Australian Bureau of Statistics said. (I’ve seen this number reported as high as 79%, we’re still waiting on official numbers)
  • More than 12.7 million people – about 79.5% of eligible voters – took part in the eight-week postal survey.
  • Opposition leader Bill Shorten declared it was a “fabulous day” to be an Australian:
  • “You [the LGBTQ community] shouldn’t have had to put up with this survey but you embraced it. I feel for young people who have had their relationships questioned in a way in which I wouldn’t have thought we would have seen ever again,” he said.
  • “Unconditional love always has the last word.”
  • Apparently, Senator Dean Smith already has a bill drafted and submitted it about an hour after the announcement. They’re hoping to pass it by Xmas.

 

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