Episode 180 – The One Where We Asked Big Gay Jim To Make AIDS Funny…

  • In This Week’s Show, episode 180, we take a homeschooled tax course from AIDS. Yeah. And, we started this week with 4 More Beers! (And sooo much homebrew)

Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while RuPaul, Goddess of Drag Queens – hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying her patience!

Shea’s Life Lesson

This week I learned that if a cop yells “Freeze” you can yell back “Now everybody clap your hands” and they are required by law to start clapping or else they will be arrested for treason and possibly deported from the country.

Jenn’s Actual Lesson

Out sick, send iTunes reviews!

Jim’s Good Gay News

This week, over 1000 people attended the first pride festival in Mike Pence’s hometown (Columbus, Indiana), no religious zealots protesters showed up, and the whole thing was started by a high school student’s senior project. I, along with FOX news watchers, learned the term “Christian privilege.” Unlike most FOX news watchers, I understand and agree with the term. Oh, and I hugged a Phelps.

And I’m Steve, and before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!

This Week’s Beer

Fresh As Helles | Boston Beer Company (Samuel Adams)

  • BA Link:bit.ly/2FYMbLU
  • BA Rating: 3.62/5
  • Style: Munich Helles Lager
  • ABV: 4.5%
  • Aaron: 6
  • Jim: 7
  • Shea: 8
  • Steve: 7

This Week’s Show

Round Table Discussion

Thank you new patron “The Ginger Snaps Podcast”

Explicit Commentary from two women who happen to be trans, skeptical, atheist, science loving nerds. Sometimes informative, sometimes angry, just don’t forget the sunscreen. apple.co/2qImysq

Jennifer is still out again this week. She is on the mend, but not yet quite healed enough to join us in this silly endeavour. She said, “I’ll be back week after next and I miss y’all!”

No new iTunes reviews this week. (should be actually mention this? I’m thinking not.)

David Silverman… ugh. We more or less skipped the Krauss thing but given that we’ve talked about David before, and American Atheists it at least warrants a mention. Apparently he’s been a known bad-actor in whisper networks for a long while. He was recently accused of all manner of sexual misconduct and after a three day internal investigate American Atheists decided that the allegations were credible enough to give him the boot. So, that sucks, he sucks, don’t be a sexual predator!

Headlines

HL1: Montre-all Your Tax Money!bit.ly/2HHQ0Xz

Oops! Looks like the internet tricked me again, that or, my impeccable editorial skills aren’t so impeccable after all ;)

This story is old ass news. We still had a good laugh though so… enjoy. Just don’t take any of the talk of timelines to heart — it was correct relative to the story, but is years out of whack as of the recording. Have I mentioned about how we don’t take ourselves too seriously?..

Sorry all, I donked this one up 0_o

~A

Proving yet again that we should all just move the fuck to Canada, Montreal Churches are being taxed.

Joel Coppieters, the Minister at the Cote des Neiges Presbyterian church, was shocked… shocked he said, after getting a municipal tax bill in 2015. And because the church’s official stance on reciprocity is “send us a letter and we’ll get back to you whenever” we’re just hearing about it now. Being a bitchy french priest, he’d apparently never seen one of the damnedable bits of paper before, wondering I’m sure how the rest of us poor sods cope.

Never one to miss the obvious, he said “it was the first indication that something had changed,” forgoing the “for the better” conclusion to that sentence.

Provincial law exempts churches and manses (Preacher homes, see rapenasiums) from paying municipal taxes but Coppetiers was told that if a manse is vacant for several months between ministers, it’s taxable. And since the manses in his church looks like an abandoned abattoir, it counts.

But he complained, because the real problems the church faces are city taxes, not the rape. Never the rape. Taxes.

As a result, many churches in Montreal that host community groups, such as food banks, or Girl Guides or Boy Scouts, are facing mounting tax bills. Because that’s how commerce works. Coppieters says, bewildered by the notion that something could change, the city has changed how it interprets the law. “We’re there to care and serve the community and this is part of it,” said Coppetiers as if being part of the community excludes one from paying for the maintenance of that community.

Coppetiers says taxes are due even when services are suspended for renovations… apparently also not understanding now bills work.

It’s been a rough week for assholey canadian preachers.

HL2 – The Problem With Homeschoolingbit.ly/2qJJ1pV

Is beheadings. That’s how that sentence ends. Beheadings.

Four kids reported their asshole parents for support ISIS and making them watch the groups shitty home movies. As is slideshows of what you did last Arab-spring weren’t bad enough, the parents were making the children watch ISIS beheadings and, apparently this is a thing, hours long videos of ex-headed bodies slowly decomposing.

The siblings, aged 10, 14, 16, and 18, have been taken into government care in Britain. The Eldest contacted Childline to raise the alarm, I guess that’s a help line in the UKs. She claimed they were “kept at home, did not attend school and were kept socially isolated, only being allowed out once in every three weeks”, and the youngest, was so traumatised that in addition to having developmental delays, is now trauma-mute.

The court also heard how the children had complained their parents, of Somali origin but from the Midlands, expressed anti-Semitic, anti-British, homophobic and anti-white views. The kids said the parents also support Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi, an ISIS leader. So that’s all terrible. No charges have yet been filed.

HL3 – Well This is Bullshitbit.ly/2qHi5qM

Wetumpka, Alabama. Ahhh, Alabama.

A teenager was recently tried as an adult because fuck him it would seem. In a two-day trial in March Lakeith Smith who is now 18, was recently convicted of felony murder. Which is odd, because he didn’t kill anyone.

Circa 2015 Lakeith was part of a series of break-ins of at least two homes. Which is shitty, sure, but he probably doesn’t deserve the 65 years he was just sentenced for. So having not killed A’Donte Washington, 16, of Montgomery, but being with him when the group tried to resist arrest. Washington apparently ran toward a cop with a .38, that’s not a good move, and the cop killed him. So, what happened next was a calm and collected review of the shooting and investigation into… haha… no. Not even a little. They charged Smith with the murder of Washington because they were both there at the same time.

Judge Sibley Reynolds handed down three consecutive sentences: 15 years for burglary and 10 years each for two theft convictions, and 30 years for a murder everyone involved admits the cop did.

“The officer shot A’donte, not Lakeith Smith,” Smith’s lawyer, Jennifer Holton, said during the trial. “Lakeith was a 15-year-old child, scared to death. He did not participate in the act that caused the death of A’donte. He never shot anybody.”

This Week’s Stories

Idiot go boom! – thebea.st/2JYeTiL

Beaver Dam, Wisconsin resident, Benjamin Morrow, blew himself to shit on March 5th, apparently during the process of building home-made bombs. Described as an over-pressure explosion, the blast tore through his apartment and left him dead, his bomb-making equipment scattered and his kitchen stove (lab burner) still on. Firefighters and police found so much extremely dangerous chemicals that they made the terrible choice to destroy the whole building in a controlled 1600 deg burn rather than potentially risk the lives of the other residents by keeping the building intact.

Morrow’s family described him as a religious man, who grew up homeschooled and later studied pre-pharmacy, math, and chemistry at Pensacola Christian College in Florida. He was working as a quality control technician at Richelieu Foods, according to his LinkedIn profile and his co-workers said he often arrived at work smelling of “moth balls” which are made from flammable chemicals. Police said that upon entering his place they passed large amounts of acetone as well as two white cardboard boxes stamped with the words “mix it, shake it, shoot it,” and three more packages labeled “sonic boom.” Investigators also found pipes and pipe caps in the apartment.

Now for the part of the story you’ve all been waiting for. What was this seemingly “normal” white boy doing with all of this nasty shit. Well, it appears that he was a uber-religious, white-supremacist. I know, I know, it’s shocking that this could be the case since good god-fearing white boys from Wisconsin couldn’t possibly be terrorists, but even though the police haven’t specifically called him that, it seems that we had yet another homegrown extremist who was planning who knows what and we’ve only got one dead motherfucker instead of whatever he had planned due to his incompetence, and thank not-god for that.

Patron Story

Flock of Seagulls forgiveness!

Canadian Hotel Forgives Guest 17 Years After Flock Of Seagulls Trashed His Room

bit.ly/2HHQ3Tf

Sky rats and not the well loved new wave band are the ones to blame for getting Nova Scotian Nick Burchill blacklisted at the Fairmont Empress hotel in Victoria, Canada, one fateful day in 2001.

Burchill had planned to send a suitcase full of pepperoni to his buddies in the Canadian navy. Writing on Facebook, he recounts that he decided to leave it near an open window so the chilly air would keep the meats fresh.

“I remember walking down the long hall and opening the door to my room to find an entire flock of seagulls in my room,” Burchill said in a recent letter of apology to the 4-star hotel. “I didn’t have time to count, but there must have been 40 of them and they had been in my room, eating pepperoni for a long time.”

“They immediately started flying around and crashing into things as they desperately tried to leave the room through the small opening by which they had entered,” said Burchill, who lives in Dartmouth. “The result was a tornado of seagull excrement, feathers, pepperoni chunks and fairly large birds whipping around the room.”

Older and wiser now, Burchill chalked up the incident to youthful indiscretion.

“I have matured and I admit responsibility for my actions,” he said in the letter. “I come to you, hat in hand, to apologize for the damage I had indirectly come to cause and to ask you to reconsider my lifetime ban from the property.”

The apology worked. Banned from the hotel since 2001, Burchill is now welcome to come back, the Fairmont said.

“Fairmont Empress was as amused as everyone else to read the letter from Mr. Burchill. His series of unfortunate events happened so many years ago, and we were happy to review Mr. Burchill’s letter and have since lifted the ban,” the hotel said in a statement on Facebook.

When the Fairmont got the letter, the hotel staff first thought it was an April Fools’ Day prank, according to The Toronto Star, “but a check of the records and Burchill’s appearance at the front desk last weekend confirmed the seagull story and the former guest’s permanent ban.”

“It is absolutely a true story,” Tracey Drake, the hotel’s public relations director, told the newspaper.

The Star writes:

“Burchill was in Victoria for a conference and was booked to stay at the Empress back in 2001, said Drake. After the room fiasco, he was moved to another room for the rest of his stay.

‘The hotel followed up with his employer afterwards, saying he’s not welcome back at the hotel due to the damage in the room,’ Drake said. ‘He’s correct. The lamps were broken. The room was trashed. It’s a really funny story to tell 17 years later, but I was sitting here thinking about the housekeeper and what her first reaction must have been when she opened that door.'”

The letter: bit.ly/2qJJ5Gb

Jim’s “Supposedly Funny” HIV Quiz – DON’T CHEAT, IT’S EASY ENOUGH AS IT IS

HIV can make a person ill because

  • It makes a person lose weight suddenly
  • It reduces the body’s core temperature
  • It attacks the immune system
  • It turns you into a Yeti

How can you tell if someone has HIV or AIDS?

  • They look tired and ill
  • There is no way to tell
  • They will smell vaguely of elderberries
  • They will be very thin

Is there a cure for HIV?

  • Available by prescription only
  • No
  • Yes
  • Available only in Wakanda

Where can you get an HIV test?

  • Drag Queen Bingo
  • A doctor’s office or Hospital
  • A community health center
  • All of the above

What is the difference between HIV and AIDS?

  • HIV is a virus, while AIDS is a bacteria
  • There is no difference between them
  • HIV is the virus that causes AIDS
  • HIV is a west coast term, and AIDS is the east coast term

What can protect you from HIV?

  • Contraceptive birth control pills
  • Spermicides (creams, foams, and gels that kill sperm cells
  • Beer
  • Condoms

Can people living with HIV have HIV- children?

  • No
  • Yes
  • HIV affects your ability to have children
  • You can, but they have a 50% chance of producing yeti butter after birth

You can become infected with HIV from…

  • Sharing utensils or drinking from the same beer glass as someone with HIV
  • Mosquito bites
  • Kissing a drag queen
  • None of the above

HIV is not present in…

  • Semen and vaginal fluids
  • Blood
  • Breast milk
  • Sweat

If you’re using a latex condom, what kind of lube should you use?

  1. Yeti butter
  2. Any type of lube is fine
  3. Oil-based lubes
  4. Water or silicone based

Why are some condoms ribbed?

  • They are cheaper
  • They increase traction for oral sex
  • They can increase sensation for both partners
  • They provide more structural integrity, like the boning in sa drag queen’s corset

Whose responsibility is it to bring the condoms?

  • Your responsibility
  • Your partner’s responsibility
  • Both of you
  • Whoever is most Canadian, because it’s polite, ay

How many times can the same male condom be used?

  • More than once if with the same partner
  • More than once if washed properly
  • More than once if you’re as old as Steve
  • Only once

Who should put the condom on a penis?

  • A trained professional, such as a drag queen
  • The owner of the penis, so he can tell if the condom is too small
  • The other partner, so they have a close-up view
  • It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s done correctly

At what point during sex should the condom be put on the penis?

  • Before the penis is erect
  • After the penis is erect
  • Just before ejaculation
  • After you remove the chastity belt

Which is most effective for preventing pregnancy, HIV, and other sexually transmitted infections?

  • Withdrawal method
  • Birth control pills
  • Condoms and lubricants
  • An icy, frustrated stare from Jenn

How can you make sure that condoms work properly?

  • Checking the expiration date
  • Store them correctly
  • Put them on properly
  • All of the above

Condoms can protect you from…

  • Becoming a crotchety old fart like Steve
  • An icy, frustrated stare from Jenn
  • Maple syrup overdoses
  • Turning into a drag queen
  • Yeti venom
  • Pregnancy, HIV, and STI’s

Two condoms cannot be used at the same time because…

  • It’s considered bad luck
  • It may be painful
  • Friction can cause them to break
  • It can pull out pubic hair

Recently, scientists have determined that an HIV+ person cannot transmit the virus when…

  • Listening to beer drinking, skeptical podcasts
  • Sending out thoughts and prayers
  • Their viral load is undetectable
  • Having sex with another HIV+ person

PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) is a medication that…

  • Protects you from HIV and other STI’s, so you don’t have to use condoms anymore
  • Is taken right before sex to prevent HIV transmission
  • Can result in a false positive when taking HIV tests
  • Is 99% effective in preventing HIV transmission when taken correctly

BONUS: Oral sex is…

  1. Talking during sex
  2. Another word for French kissing
  3. Using your mouth to stimulate your partner’s genitals
  4. The satisfaction you get from listening to Waiting for Wrath, typically resulting in a pod-gasm

Next Week’s Beer

Space Dust IPA | Elysian Brewing Company

  • From: Mr. Jenn!
  • BA Rating: 4.08/5
  • ABV: 8.2%
  • Style: American Double / Imperial
  • Link: bit.ly/2JY73pc

Faith In Humanity Restored

Jim hugged a Phelps. For more info, you can check out his FB post – bit.ly/2J6WFtS

Bonus Cat Video

Big Cat Rescue – www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eCkC3ugzMU

A Japanese Take on American Sushi – www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgiu9cqph5Y

Kitten BUB Cuddles. – youtu.be/5UT48IGlmjI

G-Force, Jerk, and Passing Out In A Centrifuge – YouTube

DEADPOOL 2 Colossus Vs Juggernaut Trailer (2018) Superhero Movie Trailer HD – YouTube

Full Uncut Interview: James Comey – YouTube

Star Wars Tie Fighter – Homemade, Electric, & Driveable – YouTube

Marvel Studios’ Avengers: Infinity War | 10-Year Legacy Featurette – YouTube

Join The Discussion

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