In This Week’s Show, episode 194, we give 10 of our cancerous sloppy seconds to lil’nug, who is just the pits…
Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Esege Malan Babai
(the Siberian god of the sky, AKA Grandfather Bald Head) hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying his patience!
Shea’s Life Lesson
Today I learned that there is no difference between exercise and black magic, both of them hurt your body at first and drain your energy, but the more you dabble the more powerful you become.
Jenn’s Actual Lesson
Did you know that the scientific term for ‘butt-crack’ is intergluteal cleft?
But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!
This Week’s Beer
Sergeant Reckless | Lazy Horse Brewing – Ohiowa, NE
- BA Link: bit.ly/2LmJ7zn
- BA Rating: 3.56/5
- Style: American IPA
- ABV: 7.2%
- Aaron: 8
- Jenn: 5
- Shea: 5
- Steve: 7
This Week’s Show
Round Table Discussion
This week’s Second Half is the second half of last week’s second half… so… umm, enjoy what should probably add up to a full set of halves.
In one of his first decrees, Sheffield Yorkshire’s new Lord Mayor has put up a 10 commandments display at Tramlines Park. Normally this is where the protests start, but thanks to Magic Magid’s magic, I think we will all get behind Sheffield’s Ten Commandments:
- BE KIND
- DON’T BE A PR*CK
- DO EPIC SH*T
- SEE THE GOOD
- DON’T LOSE HOPE
- DO IT DIFFERENTLY
- ALWAYS BUY YOUR ROUND
- DON’T KISS A TORY
- TELL YA MA YOU LOVE HER
- YOU’VE GOT THIS!
Of course, it didn’t take long for some humorless harpy to take issue with 8 and 9, as her mum is a Tory – that is, a member of Britain’s alt-right – and she totes kisses her all the time… No accounting for taste I suppose. And of course, there are those who are super mad because they’ll have to explain what a prick is, of course, that same complainant didn’t have to explain “shit” to her kid…
Surprising exactly no one who isn’t a credulous woo, a recent study shows that, “Cancer patients who choose alternative medicine over standard, proven cancer treatments are more likely to die.” Dr. James Yu of the Yale Cancer Center and his team looked at the medical records of nearly 2 million patients and found that cancer patients have unrealistic views of the value of complementary therapy (a really nice way of saying bullshit), believing it will prolong life and a third expecting it to cure the disease. Dr. Yu understands, “If you could cure cancer with baking soda, who wouldn’t want to do that? Or if you could cure cancer with healing power crystals or positive thinking, who wouldn’t want that? I completely understand and empathize with patients,” he said. bit.ly/2LBTWxF
As far as nicknames go, Lil’Nug could be a lot worse…
What is one to do when one has a heavy hankering for a fried chicken sandwich… but also your water broke? Well, you could do like San Antonio’s Falon Griffin and just accept the fact that those sweet, sweet chicken sammiches are more important than delivering your baby in a hospital… or place that cleans more than once a month… or somewhere with more medically relevant supplies than sun-ripened mayo. Like a good Christian sammich, as the place is want to do, in return for expanding the horde… and naming your kid after a snack-food, wee lil’Gracelyn Mae already has a guaranteed job with Chick-Fil-A when she turns 14, because fuck child labor laws, and she’ll get free food for life! Chick-Fil-A spokesperson Mr. Ihatemylife did not expand on whether or not she would get free insulin as well.
Planet Fitness has built its reputation as being a judgment-free place to better yourself and strengthen your body. Unfortunately, they might have to roll in a bit of judgment this week. 34-year-old Eric Stagno, of Massachusetts, went into a Planet fitness this week and took their “Judgment Free Zone” a little too literally when he stripped naked and began working on his yoga poses. Stagno was charged with indecent exposure, lewdness and disorderly conduct on Sunday for taking off his clothes and exercising at a Planet Fitness in Plaistow, New Hampshire. Police say he walked back and forth and started doing poses on a yoga mat. He allegedly referenced Planet Fitness’ slogan that it is a “judgment-free zone.”
Hey Jenn, you been swimming at La Brea? ‘Cause those pits are stuck in my mind!
[cue grossed out responses]
I’m just doing some marketing research for Wakino, the new Japanese advertising company that, as the name suggests… if you speak Japanese… sells advertising in ladies armpits. Yep. They’re basically temporary tattoos that women are paid to wear in the subway so when they’re holding on for dear life pervs will get an eye full of Starbucks, or acting/detective school, etc, instead of whatever it is that’s attractive about an armpit. The concept is reminiscent of Absolute Territory PR, which sells advertising space on women’s thighs. Wakino – from Waki the Japanese word for “armpit” – Advertising Company focuses on a less traditionally shmexy body part to attract companies who want to maintain a, let’s go with “more wholesome” image while still dabbling in anatomy-based marketing.
You know there’s a serious problem when the students of a school have to sue to get an education. Back in April, New York state senator, Simcha Felder, of Brooklyn held the state’s budget hostage until the state agreed not to interfere with yeshivas (Jewish private school) curriculum. Well now, some of the student’s have decided enough is enough. A group called Young Advocates for Fair Education is suing state officials for lack of oversight, saying the law singles out Orthodox schools for special treatment in violation of the constitution. Basically, they want the schools to teach more than Yiddish and the Torah since students are learning literally nothing of English, Math, secular history, science, nothing. Leaving then entirely unprepared to do … really anything other than rock back and forth while muttering to themselves. bit.ly/2Ltfi0G
This Week’s Stories
Patreon Content Available Now At patreon.com/w4w
Originally created in 1980 as BS 6008:1980 by the British Standards Institution. ISO 3103 was produced by the International Organization for Standardization, Technical Committee 34 (Food products), Sub-Committee 8 (Tea).
ISO 3103 pertains to the brewing of tea.
To maintain consistent results, the list of recommendations is fairly specific. The entire list is in the show notes, but we’ll highlight a few interesting elements:
- The pot should be white porcelain or glazed earthenware and have a partly serrated edge. It should have a lid that fits loosely inside the pot.
- If a large pot is used, it should hold a maximum of 310 ml (±8 ml) and must weigh 200 g (±10 g).
- If a small pot is used, it should hold a maximum of 150 ml (±4 ml) and must weigh 118 g (±10 g).
- 2 grams of tea (measured to ±2% accuracy) per 100 ml of boiling water is placed into the pot.
- Freshly boiling water is poured into the pot to within 4–6 mm of the brim. Allow 20 seconds for the water to cool.
- The water should be similar to the drinking water where the tea will be consumed.
- Brewing time is six minutes.
- The brewed tea is then poured into a white porcelain or glazed earthenware bowl.
- If a large bowl is used, it must have a capacity of 380 ml and weigh 200 g (±20 g).
- If a small bowl is used, it must have a capacity of 200 ml and weigh 105 g (±20 g).
- If the test involves milk, then it is added before pouring the infused tea unless that is contrary to the organization’s normal practice.
- If milk is added after the pouring of tea, it is best added when the liquid is between 65-80°C.
- 5 ml of milk for the large bowl, or 2.5 ml for the small bowl, is used.
As you can imagine this is a hotly contested standard. The protocol has been criticized for omitting any mention of prewarming the pot by Ireland, which objected on technical grounds.
No… not like that. Free beer as in, open-source beer!
Free Beer, originally known as Vores øl – An open source beer (Danish for Our Beer), is the first brand of beer with an “open/free” brand and recipe as the trademark elements are published under the Creative Commons license.
The developers of the beer stated that the beer was primarily a medium for the message of “dogmatic notions of copyright and intellectual property that are dominating our culture”, and admitted that the group had only limited experience in beer production and was not made up of beer gurus.
The beer was created in 2004 by students at the IT University in Copenhagen together with artist collective Superflex, to illustrate how concepts of the FOSS movement might be applied outside the digital world.
The addition of the non-traditional beer ingredient Guaraná was also partly inspired politically by a previously in 2003 initiated Superflex project, “Guaraná Power”, which focused on the support of Brazilian guaraná farmers with Fairtrade. Guarana is a maple family vine whose seeds are similar to a coffee bean, but nearly twice as caffeinated.
While the first “Vores øl” recipe draw some technical criticism, the recipe was continuously updated and identified shortcomings got fixed. Not being brewers, details like how much water in the mash, what type of yeast, or even what style was being produced were omitted. Since the recipe has been finessed a dozen times over, even inspiring a bunch of beers, a few of which you might have heard of:
- Flying Dog Brewery created in July 2007 an open source beer called “Collaborator Doppelbock”
- Yeastie Boys’ Digital IPA was released in late 2011 and won in 2012 a Gold Award of the Brewers Guild of New Zealand.
- In August 2012 a petition on “We the people” was successful and the Barack Obama administration released the recipe of a White House-brewed Honey Ale to the public (public domain)
The beer is a result of the FOSS movement into the “real” world, originally coming from OpenCola. A brand of open-source cola, where the instructions for making it are freely available and modifiable. Anybody can make the drink, and anyone can modify and improve on the recipe. The original version 1.0 was released on 27 January 2001 by Grad Conn, Cory Doctorow, and John Henson. The current version is 1.1.3. Although originally intended as a promotional tool to help explain free and open source software, the drink took on a life of its own and 150,000 cans were sold.
Jenn’s second Second Half
*The ancient Assyrians (modern-day Syria, with parts of Iran, Iraq, and Turkey) just said fuck it, I deserve to suffer. Their premiere cure was myrrh (a pungent tree sap most famous as a really terrible baby gift from 3 wise men) mixed in with crushed bird beak. So a tarry, sappy, smelly, crunchy paste. Makes sense.
*Nicholas Culpeper, a 17th century English author, herbalist and apparent weirdo swore by “stuffing the nasal passages with the juice of tree ivy.” He also blamed a myriad of illnesses on astrological reasons, so he may not be worth listening to.
*Shout out to the Wild West, cowboys in the American West swore by a brewed tea. Nice, right? Gentle tea for the tummy? Not exactly, it was made of steeped rabbit pellets. Weirdly enough, science says rabbit poop may actually have some restorative properties for the brown bottle flu sufferer: it contains salts and nutrients—such as potassium—that might have been depleted.
*Pliny the Elder, he of a very delicious modern beer and being a historian, had a favorite cure after a full night leading up to a volcano party: he fried up a canary and enjoyed some raw owl eggs.
*A 19th century herbal and curative text called the Medical Adviser may possibly have been an old-timey practical joke book. Is it advice? Drink mugs of vinegar, if you get no relief, rub it on your temples. Still not feeling better? Just strip naked and dump a bucket of water on your head.
*Medieval Europe enjoyed raw eels for breakfast, with old-timey Portugal preferring their eel boiled in wine and its own blood.
*Certain Native American tribes (can’t find which, apparently the internet has all sourced the same article) would employ something called ‘sweat swishing’. It’s probably worse than you think. The morning you wake up with a hangover you first throw yourself into a serious workout, lathering yourself up into a good sweat (at this point, no thanks, I’ll eat a canary). Once your good and drippy you begin to lick yourself off, swish the sweat around in your mouth and spit it out. This rids you of ‘the poison’. Yum.
*Despite how delightful the name sounds, gin is gross. In Victorian England, it was known as ‘Mother’s Ruin’ and was the main ingredient in several delightfully British sounding drinks such as Gin-Slings and Timber Doodles. How does one combat a painful day following too many Doodles? Warm up some milk and then mix in a spoonful of charcoal soot, duh.
*Turn of the 19th century Americans had it all figured out, IMO. Coke. No, not the carbonated kind. The 80s all night party kind. But that wasn’t used for just hangovers, I think it was used for everything from hangnails to hand grenades.
A few famous alcoholics had their own personal favorite cures…or at least bandaids.
*A Clockwork Orange author Anthony Burgess had a hangover cure that basically guaranteed he just never sobered up. When he had a morning after a headache he mixed a concoction he named Hangman’s Blood. He instructed: “Into a pint glass, doubles of the following are poured: gin, whisky, rum, port and brandy. A small bottle of stout is added and the whole topped up with Champagne… It tastes very smooth, induces a somewhat metaphysical elation, and rarely leaves a hangover.”
*Early Hollywood actress and party girl Tallulah Bankhead cut through all the bullshit. “Wracked with a hangover I do my muttering over a Black Velvet, a union of champagne and stout. Don’t be swindled into believing there’s any cure for a hangover. I’ve tried them all: iced tomatoes, hot clam juice, brandy peaches. Like the common cold it defies solution. Time alone can say it. The hair of the dog? That way lies folly. It’s as logical as trying to put out a fire with applications of kerosene. ”
*WC Fields, early, big-nosed comedian and notorious asshole was quite the boozer and that usually featured into his routines. He had a full post-bender meal he expected the following day: a breaded veal cutlet with tomato sauce; a chocolate éclair for dessert; liver and bacon; or 2 pickled eggs and some castor oil; or Hungarian Goulash and a coconut custard pie.
*Taking a cue from Anthony Burgess and raising the stakes by saying “fuck that, you wuss”, Ernest Hemingway had hangover cures that involved more and stronger booze. Death in the Afternoon — named after his 1932 bullfighting tale — involves an absinthe and champagne blend. Hemingway described how to mix the hangover helper, which requires a healthy dose to take effect. “Pour 1 jigger of absinthe into a champagne glass. Add iced champagne until it attains the proper opalescent milkiness. Drink three to five of these slowly.”
Next Week’s Beer
Aprikat | Alley Kat Brewing Company Alberta, CA (nada)
- BA Link: bit.ly/2LFLihn
- BA Rating: 3.34/5
- Style: Fruit / Vegetable Beer
- ABV: 4.5%
Faith In Humanity Restored
Morrisons ‘quiet hour’ for autistic shopping introduced
Supermarket chain Morrisons has introduced a weekly “quieter hour” for autistic shoppers who struggle with music and noise.
It is believed to be the first supermarket chain to roll out the scheme to all stores nationwide.
The National Autistic Society says it is a “step in the right direction”.
Bonus Cat Video
We Broke The Cat On The What The Fluff Challenge – YouTube
Fia the Feral Gets a Barn Home – YouTube
Thriller Pets – YouTube
Teenage Mutant Ninja Cats – YouTube
Cat Games | Playful Cats Video Compilation – YouTube
Dove Self-Esteem Project x Steven Universe: We Deserve To Shine Music Video – YouTube
Moon 101 | National Geographic – YouTube
What a conductor actually does on stage – YouTube
What If You Detonated a Nuclear Bomb In The Marianas Trench? (Science not Fantasy) – YouTube
Aquaman – Official Trailer 1 – YouTube
SHAZAM! – Official Teaser Trailer [HD] – YouTube
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