Episode 224 – The One Where We Sail The Icy Less-Than-Great Lakes

In This Week’s Show, Episode 224, we jack a bunch of ice water to cool our apparently ultra-manly, uncontrollable, lust-beer. It’s sour.

Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Cardea, The Roman Goddess Of Door Hinges hasn’t struck us down yet, we are trying her patience!

Shea’s Life Lesson

This week I learned that if you have a friend, coworker, or acquaintance who is acting strange, you need to reach out. Ask if they are really Scott Bakula, trying to change history for the better.

Jenn’s Actual Lesson

After Cardea was forced to sleep with the god Janus, Janus declared, “In return for our dalliance, be thine the control of hinges.” Then he gave her a magical hawthorn branch that repelled evil and declared that people must eat beans and pork in her honor every June 1. Women love pork and beans!

But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!

This Week’s Beer

Matame Ahorita – Anchorage Brewing Company

Donated By: Jaded Zappa
BA Link: bit.ly/2BaxTHM

  • BA Rating: 4.0
  • Style: American Wild Ale
  • ABV: 6.5%
  • Aaron: 8
  • Shea: 10
  • Steve: 5

This Week’s Show

As you’ve likely noticed by now, the great and lovely Jenn isn’t with us today. She decided that Mr. Jenn was her priority so… shit. Oh well. We know where we place and it’s fine. Really. It’s FINE!

Round Table Discussion

Follow up-You may remember our mentions of David and Collet Stephan who allowed their son to die of meningitis after “treating” him with naturopathic horseshit. They were convicted of the child’s death, but the conviction was overturned on a technicality and now they’re scheduled to be heard by the Canadian Supreme Court. The good news is that they are buried in debt from the previous trials and asked the government to provide them with 4 million dollars (Canadian, of course, so like $3.50 real-money) for the supreme court case. The judge said no and gave them nothing. So, fuck them, fuck their continuous conspiracy theories, and fuck their stupid anti-science beliefs.

bit.ly/2BMY47E

VM from Mr. Biblepants!

Headlines

Teens sneak out for shots bit.ly/2BMce95

In a strange turn of events teens across the globe are sneaking out and taking shots against their parents’ wishes. These aren’t the alcoholic shots we took as kids these are the shots our parents made us get before we got polio or measles. One Ohio teen, Ethan Lindenberger, celebrated his 18th birthday by getting inoculated for MMR, chickenpox, polio, influenza, HPV, tetanus, hepatitis A and hepatitis B. 8 shots was way more than I could handle when I turned 18. Like many anti-vaxxer parents, Lindenberger’s family believes immunizations can be harmful to children and even cause brain damage. However, Lindenberger started questioning his parents’ decision after conducting his own research.

“I was very vocal about vaccines, and I expressed a lot of problems with her logic for a couple of years now.” He first began questioning his mom’s views after seeing her ripped apart by intelligent people on Facebook. Ethan decided to take control of his health after a friend reminded him that he could finally, legally, get the vaccines now that he was 18. In a millennial move that is becoming increasingly warranted Ethan turned to the internet for help. In a post on Reddit r/nostupidquestions, he posted “My parents are kind of stupid and don’t believe in vaccinations. Now that I’m 18, where do I go to get vaccinated? Can I get vaccinated at my age?”

The post went viral with a mix of positive and negative feedback but finally propelled Ethan to take the shots. After telling his parents his father was supportive and told Ethan it was up to him now that he was an adult but mom had more to say… “It was like him spitting on me.” “[It was like] saying ‘You don’t know anything, I don’t trust you with anything. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You did make a bad decision and I’m gonna go fix it.’”

Ethan’s choice has had rippling effects and teens in Australia are jumping on the band-aid wagon… get it cause you get a band-aid when you get shots?!? Lucky for them youth in Queensland who are 15 and older can use state law to get medical care without their parents’ consent or knowledge. This includes getting vaccinations, unfortunately here in the US, most teens don’t have control of their medical needs until they turn 18.

Dipshits close to home. bit.ly/2BIdf24

The Wyoming Senate killed a bill to repeal the death penalty in our state. This, in and of itself, is not surprising in the least. Wyoming is my home and I love it, but our elected representatives are mostly fucknut ultra-conservative dipshits. What is surprising is that the bill to repeal the death penalty made it as far as the Senate floor in the first place.

The bill had already passed the Wyoming House by a wide margin, not because it’s the right thing to do, but because it’s literally cheaper to just house the prisoner for life than it is to go through all of the machinations required to finally put them to death. It costs the state roughly one million dollars a year to maintain with death row inmates; about 30% more than average inmates. There was some mention that the death penalty doesn’t work as a deterrent, and it’s inhumane and all of that other liberal crap too. Also, Wyoming only rarely used the death penalty anyway, with the last person executed in 1992.

All of this in and of itself wouldn’t have made the show notes today but for the unusually stupid explanation of Wyoming Republican (naturally) senator Lynn Hutchings from Cheyenne who spewed some serious nonsense, saying, “The greatest man who ever lived died via the death penalty for you and me,” she said. “I’m grateful to him for our future hope because of this. Governments were instituted to execute justice. If it wasn’t for Jesus dying via the death penalty, we would all have no hope.” She apparently forgot that according to her own superstitions, Jesus wasn’t guilty, but was killed anyway. This idiot also recently made the new for comparing homosexuality with bestiality and pedophilia, so yeah, she’s a fuckhead.

So, there you have it. The ultimate words of wisdom by another elected official. It does NOT make me feel better about our future.

Dipshits far from home. bit.ly/2BKA19r

Do you feel for the beautiful, wonderful, majestic, tasty, tasty animals? Of course, you do, you’re not an animal… ahem. Anyway. I honestly get why a person may decide to become vegan. Hell, my daughter is a vegan and it’s fine, really. I don’t personally subscribe to that particular way of life, but I can empathize and I believe I understand. However. There is a point when your perspective becomes so … weird, warped, silly that I cannot get it. At. All. This story is one of those times.

Vegan activists have gone beyond what I would view as reasonable. It certainly makes no sense. Leicestershire (Lester-shire) Animal Save in central England, once a month, hold a vigil at a slaughterhouse in Melton Mowbray (a few miles up the road) and …talk to the cows. Pray with the cows. I guess it depends upon who you ask. They have signs that read, unsurprisingly, “your taste=their death”.

They have an agreement with the abattoir (abat twa) such that, when the truckloads of cattle arrive to their final living destination, the activists have two minutes per truck with the soon to be departed to make the cows feel “at ease” before proceeding on to become steaks and burgers, and so forth by giving them a last goodbye. Essentially they provide the yummy creatures their last rites, with phrases such as, “we’re sorry, we see you, and I love you.”

Also yes, there was some pseudo-french language juggling in there because funny. ~A

I know their hearts are in the right place. They feel for these animals and are trying to show it the best way they can, but really, is it helpful for a stranger to speaking sweet nothings to a truckload of cows just before their end of the line. It’s amazingly silly and a waste of effort. It’s not my effort, so whatever, but I can laugh at it. (the article photos are literally of them touching the side of a cattle truck with remorseful looks).

Titanic Patrons’s Revenge

bit.ly/2BHawWA

In what I assume was a master heist perpetrated by descendants of the sinking of the Titanic, 30,000 liters (about 8000 freedom gallons) of iceberg water were stolen from a Canadian vodka distillery. Iceberg Vodka CEO David Meyers says he is mystified as to who – or why – someone would have stolen the water.

The Royal horsey cops say the thieves made off with enough liquid to fill a semi tanker truck from a warehouse in the city of Port Union, Newfoundland. The water is valued at 9000-12000 in Canadian Monopoly money or 7000-9000 real dollars. Though who would pay for it, no one knows. Meyers told the BBC that the water was discovered missing last week after their facility manager found one of the tanks had been completely drained over the weekend. It would have taken quite a bit of work as the water was secured I. Locked tanks behind locked gates and doors, maybe there was a skylight to repel from mission impossible style. Or a very thirsty employee…

The water is insured but the company is only able to harvest it in the spring from the ice giants that appear annually on Newfoundland and Labrador’s coast along the famed “iceberg alley”. No word if it’s the same iceberg that sank the Titanic but I’d really like to believe it was.

“We only have one crack at doing an iceberg harvest a year,” he said. “It’s just like a grape harvest for the wine industry.”

Meyers was confused as there is no known black market for the Berg water through a few local firms also use iceberg water, a Newfoundland beauty brand that makes skincare and cosmetics products with glacial water, a local brewery and some companies that sell bottled “Berg” water. They all run in the same circles so it would be obvious if someone tried to offload 30,000 liters of water…

This Week’s Second Half
Don’t be a shit. It’s pretty simple.

The article itself: https://thethirstywench.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/scottish-hopping-to-real-ale.pdf
I know, not a Google Doc, but a PDF is gonna be easier for folks. ~A

I’m going to start this off with a preamble that I’ve used before and suspect will have to use many times still: this is a comedy-entertainment show hosted by four drunk caricatures. Well, often four anyway – today’s topic is especially well-timed given the lack of lady-host but for what it’s worth, we workshopped this with her. Yeah, I have a woman-friend, I’m not sexist. This won’t be the long-form, hyper-verbose, word salad that people like Jordan Peterson toss… around. Although, if he’s a source of information or insight for you perhaps you should be looking to us because it would be hard to do worse… at the very least what you get here will be less cruel, blatantly bigoted horseshit. Moreover, if you’re tempted to reply with his videos, go fuck yourself.

Great Lakes Brewing News – which Great Lakes Brewing would very much like you to know they are not affiliated with and indeed condemn – published a front-page article in the Feb/March issue that began “like most men, I struggle with my primal self” and, unfortunately, didn’t continue “I’m scared by fire and startled by loud noises” but instead concluded “it’s genetic” a shitty, MRA, bio-platitude for idiots. Because our show isn’t 40 days long, we’ll have to skip the in-depth rebuttals as there would simply be too many. To this, like most of the shitty things we’re about to dive into, I’ll say if you need a long-winded explanation of why this is an inherently bad argument for a number of should-be-obvious reasons, not the least of which being that men aren’t all rape-bots fueled by unquenchable, uncontrollable lust, then you’re the problem and it’s time to do some uncomfortable self-reflection. From here out, I’m going to have to be terse, because we only have 30 minutes for this segment.

Author Bill Metzger has written on the beer world for some time in his small, but until recently, growing news rag. For those who will certainly wonder if I’ve quote-mined or taken anything out of context, the full is preserved as a GDoc and is linked in the show notes because Bill’s not-at-all blameless editor took this offline so fast it almost broke the sound barrier. The physical copies are available in Instagram as flabbergasted readers took pics at pubs where it was distributed. Most physical copies have been trashed, recycled, or in more than a few cases, literally left burning in a toilet bowl. bit.ly/2GCBMcN

So what did he say?

Following the genetics comment Bill’s article, ostensibly about hopping around Scotland looking for a Real Ale (aka, Cask Ale, aka, shitty beer), moved to “the age of #metoo, the dilemma has grown.” Perhaps presciently, Bill says “The pendulum has swung too far. One aggressive move and a man’s career can derail. I feel the walls closing around me, my room to move shrinking. My instincts to bed every woman I see are reducing from a king-sized mattress to a cot, the size of which I only remember from a tour in Iraq. Today’s rules put men like me in the equivalent of a feminazi re-education program instead of ceding to my genetic makeup and behaving like the great seducer, Don Juan.”

As for #MeToo, it isn’t the problem, Bill. Assholes are. Like burning bras or its viral forerunner #HeForShe, #MeToo is simply a way to give historically silenced and marginalized women the chance to say “I was victimized by X.” I mention that this could be a nuanced discussion, lengthy with in’s and out’s, but this part is pretty binary: when you hear #MeToo you either hear a story attached to it or go into defense mode – if people calling out predators puts you on the defense, the problem is you. Moreover, the worry about men’s careers is laughable. First, no man’s career is more valuable than any woman’s safety. Period. Secondly, the only men who have seen their careers damaged are the ones who have sexually harassed women. To borrow from The Thirsty Wench “If Metzger is concerned that his “aggressive moves” on women will impact his career, I think he should be taking a serious look at his moves and understand that, despite his virility, women don’t want that shit.”

It will be three paragraphs before the beer is even mentioned. And even then it will be in the context of how low abv beers are better for women, and for his ability to be “performing for a woman, something I’m genetically designed to do.” Gross.

Lamenting that the two “novices” he’s brought drinking with him don’t appreciate Cask Ales, you know, like women, writing “my thinking on this is that women need a higher level of alcohol to overcome the social restrictions on their primal selves. After all, women have the need to breed gene, too. And excess consumption can ruin a diet. I know the dietary restrictions well; if I didn’t drink beer, I’d be ripped and wouldn’t have to rely on my wit to accomplish the reproductive drive.” Thankfully, at least if this is a judge of his wit, he hasn’t and won’t be reproducing…

Do remember this is about beer… like… totally.

Moving on to beer, or the beer trip, it’s honestly kind of a mess his next section does include a few, one sentence, reviews of beers… in a segment titled “Scottish Manliness”.

“Scotland’s history is a metaphor for what I’m trying to say about the male being. The country’s history is rife with the exploits of manly men raiding villages and ravaging maidens, then retreating to their castles to guzzle ale.”

So drunken violence and rape. Yeah, that’s the art of manliness.

“Called Scots even then, their clans were so manly that as early as 142 A.D. the Roman emperor at the time built a wall to keep them out.”

Which manly leader of men is he talking about? I assume Scáthach, legendary Scottish warrior woman and martial arts teacher who trained the Ulster hero Cú Chulainn. Or Boudica, Queen of the Iceni (and warrior extraordinaire Green Lantern), who led a futile but brave uprising against the Roman Empire’s occupying forces around AD 61 (while, as noted by The Thirsty Wench, invoking the war-goddess Andraste), saying “Let us show them that they are hares and foxes trying to rule over dogs and wolves”.

So, with that out-of-the-way let’s wrap up this… story about beer, I guess…

“As my lack of contact with the group lengthened I grew worried. One can only tour the holiday stalls around Glasgow for so long, dodging the German-made sausages and kiddie rides before growing bored. Had my offer to the novices of a hot shower been taken the wrong way? Both were females who I would have banged, but concern with how I dealt with my primal self shouldn’t have played a role. The shower was located outside the bedroom, behind a closed-door.”

So… just gonna toss it out there that your contact might have lightened because you’re gross. Moreover, was proximity to the bed the only reason he didn’t try? Like, he’s such a gross pig that not only will she have to do all the work but he’s not even gonna bother crossing the room for it? Also, who the fuck uses the word “banged” anymore? Much less seriously. Even among gross assholes, that’s lame.

After he broke the story of what an incredible sexist he is advertisers and distributors fled. Here are a few choice highlights thanks to The Thirsty Wench, Business Insider, Beer Advocate – yes the place we get our scores – Forbes, and a host of other folks in the brewing community:

And here is a list of their advertisers as well, in case you’re the type to let them know. bit.ly/2XeNO19

Since the article has run Great Lakes Brewing News has seen the vast majority of their ad sponsors pull out along with most of their distribution points. And rightfully so. Bill, after far too long a pause, offered the usual non-apology on Facebook. Even going so far as to directly message Robin of The Thirsty Wench, literally, “I’m sorry you’re offended.”

Bill’s online non-pology was even worse. Claiming that the article was satire and the blowback was caused by “toxic reactionaries.” And this is something that the #MeToo movement gets saddled with all the time. Yes, people are capable of overreacting to things, but content like this should incense you, and if it doesn’t, you’re a shit.

So, best case he’s an idiot who doesn’t understand satire. Worse case he’s a bigoted piece of shit. Let’s address the first option. For something to be satire, there are requirements. In order for satire or parody to work you need to have a clear indication that you’re doing that thing, overt humor usually works. His article, perhaps arguably, has none. The target should be clear as well. How clear, well the earliest written accounts of Greek satire were so pointy they caused suicides, dialing that back a touch we could say that though impersonation, directly naming, or even categorizing groups or people would work, he does none of this. And frankly, even if he met the qualifiers of intent, humor, and target, the article would still fall flat because there is no point made. Nothing in the article condemns or even alludes to the content being of poor taste.

Finally, to the argument that this is overblown and out of context. Just like dick-out comedians or predatory astrophysicists, the shockingly overt bigotry of this article hasn’t happened in a vacuum. Even the quickest of glances at Bill’s backlog yields sexist and racist articles dating back to at least 2007, but I imagine if I had access to non-digital copies, much further. In short, there is a long trend of sexism in Bill’s writing that has, at least until recently, been veiled well enough or otherwise gone unnoticed, but it’s absolutely there.

To be clear, this kind of horseshit has no place in skepticism, atheism, or indeed, beer. Brewing has long been a boys club full of overt sexually predatory behavior as well as more subtle sexism, which sucks. Even if we accept the “satire” angle, there’s never a good time for failed satire about sexual assault, but Metzger’s timing is especially bad. Earlier this month, the CEO of Actual Brewing in Columbus, Ohio, stepped down amid an investigation into allegations he repeatedly sexually assaulted multiple women. Last year, Jackson Hole, Wyoming-based Melvin Brewing faced backlash from retailers and customers after one of its brewers inappropriately touched an employee of another brewery, bringing to light what some called a larger “bro culture” within Melvin.

Next Week’s Beer

Snow Beast Winter Ale – Kinkaider Brewing Co.

Donated By: Brendon

Faith In Humanity Restored

Flashback to when this segment was more a BAMF of the week… bit.ly/2BNpGtA

Tyson Fury struggled with mental health and drug addiction issues for years. This in itself wouldn’t be newsworthy. However, this gentleman is now a heavyweight kickboxing champion known as “The Gypsy King” who earned a $3.5 million purse when he fought Deontay Wilder in December. That too is only really newsworthy to those who follow kickboxing. What makes this story special is that after making about $9 million in total from the bout and the pay-per-view income, he decided to donate the whole lot to charity to fight homelessness. That’s right, he gave the whole $9 mil to several UK charities that specialize in providing housing for recovering alcoholics and addicts. He may have not won the bout in question (it was a draw), but he has certainly won the admiration of us here at Waiting 4 Wrath.

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